tee shirt ideas and resources

Come to the dark side T-Shirt

by Tom Warin

Come To The Dark Side (We Have Cookies) T-shirt
(ThinkGeek)

As a renowned pastry chef and occasional war criminal, people are always asking me how to make their cookies more evil.

I tell them that it's a combination of the right ingredients and a solid, evil technique that can take a merely bad cookie and elevate it to the level of true evil.

When shopping for ingredients, try to find the most evil ones you can. This isn't always easy.

Few of us have the time to check into the backgrounds of every company to ensure their moral depravity. If you can, do some research on the Internet before you go to the store.

Look for companies that underpay their employees, engage in slash and burn cultivation and topple governments that try to regulate them. Avoid anything that says "Fair Trade" or "Organic". "All-Natural" is fine, since it is meaningless and is typically used to disguise underlying evil.

Once you have your evil ingredients, combine them in the most depraved manner possible. Don't just beat the sugar and butter together: beat them into submission.

Scream insults at the flour as you sift it. Pretend that you are crushing the skulls of your enemies when breaking eggs. Fold the ingredients together with a spoon forged from metal taken from the cursed mines of Galak'Hara, or failing that a spoonula.

Once you have baked your evil cookies, you can use them to tempt people over to the dark side. This Come To The Dark Side T-shirt from ThinkGeek was famously worn by Darth Vladimir in Space Wars: Episode 2.5: Retribution of the Revengers.

Things didn't work out so well for him, but I understand that is because he was too kind to his chocolate chips.