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Dolphins: Bears of the Ocean T-shirt

by Tom Warin

Dolphins: Bears of the Ocean T-shirt
(SnorgTees)

Dolphins have a great public relations department. As far as most people are concerned, they are the cuddliest, friendliest, smartest and all around best things to live in the ocean.

But would you be so well-disposed towards these aquatic mammals if you knew that they were constantly plotting to steal your picnic baskets? Hmm, perhaps not.

Recent unbiased research, sponsored by the Careless Tuna Fishers Association, The League of Dolphin-Haters and Dr. Doom has shown that the average dolphin is engaged in larcenous activity 56 per cent of the time. The rest of their time is spent gloating or sleeping.

Picnic baskets are the favored target of the dolphins because they are packed with nummy treats and are often left unguarded by innocent picnickers. While they may take precautions against an invasion of ants, picnickers rarely, if ever, guard against dolphins.

What can you, as an average human being of limited intellect, do to help guard against the dolphin threat? You can help raise awareness of the issue by wearing one of these Dolphins: Bears of the Ocean T-shirt, available from SnorgTees. You can also dolphin-proof your picnic baskets by simply duct-taping them to a nearby tree.

Do not think that you can duct-tape the basket to a toddler, because the dolphin will simply snatch them both. The picnic basket will be raided for treats and the child will be taken back to their undersea kingdom and raised as a dolphin.